i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Randomize
