There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
