he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
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