She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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