watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
