I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
