Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
