so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
