You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
