even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I wear drunk well.
Randomize