I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Someone stole a lamp last night.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
