I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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