yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
