I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
