Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
