We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Sorry my hands just texted you
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
