we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
