trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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