What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize