Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Randomize
