Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
