She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
