SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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