I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
