I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
