I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
