If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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