I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
