When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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