He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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