the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
