Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
