win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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