I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
