I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
