Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize