just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
