you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
