My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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