he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
are you so shy because you have an std?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
There's always time for handjobs
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
