I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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