and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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