he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
