You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize