the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
