Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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