the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize