I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
