the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
