On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
