Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
