we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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