It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
