Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
