I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
