I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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