I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
