The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
