my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
