Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
porn star boner night. come get it.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
