Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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