I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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