Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize