I molested 6 butterflies tonight
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Randomize
