awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Everyone says I win the strip club
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
