is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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