the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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