this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
