did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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