Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
