she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
