my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
