the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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