Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
