just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
