I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
