Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
