u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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