I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
