that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
