well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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