Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
