"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
She bit a glass in half.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize