I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
