i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
