A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
