and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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