just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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