Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
