I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize