At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize