you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize