i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
