I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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