Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize