i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
