I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I think my fart just growled at me.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
