A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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