well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
