if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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