I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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