ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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