Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
