how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
