you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize