Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
