just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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