What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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