so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
