You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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