I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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